On Fire (!!!JONNY PUNCH!!!)

[Sushi-X]

As the second Overload in June returns from Assembly Hall in Champaign, IL, the camera pans to a close-up shot of a wooden table.

Tony: We're back on Overload, and, well, we're looking at something wooden.

Willy: I dunno what's going on here, but something gotta be up here.

The camera slowly pans back and reveals Sushi-X, wearing the same bloody mask as last week but showing no known signs of injury from the brutal "Punchy's Playground" match. X has a bottle of lighter fluid and a hand torch in hand.

What? Expecting someone else? Jonny Punch, I told you last week that whether I win or lose I was gonna walk away and not be carried out like your previous victims of your playground. You got my attention. Now I demand yours.

Sushi-X douses the table with lighter fluid, making sure he doesn't miss a spot.

Tony: Last week, we saw Punch do to Sushi-X what he's done with so many others, and that's beat them bloody--

Willy: What the hell is this cat doin'? He crazy? You don't think he gonna--

Tony: I would hope not. But remember what he asked for last week.

You see, Punch, even though you won't admit it, you and I got a lot in common. We both love a good fight. And we do anything to win. The ends justify the means. You and I have both been through a lot of wars, in and out of this company. We wear scars like badges of honor. We're not afraid to sweat, bleed, or pay the price. We smell like smoke...because we've been through fire.

Sushi-X holds up the hand torch and lights it.

Or have you, Punch? Have you been through fire?

X takes the fire towards the fluid-covered table, and instantly the table is set ablaze.

Tony: That table! The table's on fire!

Willy: Just like last week in the Playground, Tony!

Last week, I asked for a flaming tables match. I wanna see if the most dangerous man in XWA truly...has the FIRE... or if he has fear. I'll be in the ring. And I'll await your answer. I'm not afraid, Punch. Are you?

Sushi-X walks away from the flaming table towards the ring.

Willy: I know Punch is fearless, but flaming tables, man? I don't think that's been done before??!?!

Tony: Not to the best of my knowledge, A...A...FLAMING TABLES MATCH! I know this is the XWA, but there has to be a limit somewhere.

[punch]

A few segments later, Punch's response would come by way of another interview conducted by Joe Beakman backstage.

Punchy, earlier tonight Sushi-X made good on his counter challenge, a Flaming Tables match. I don't have a clue what it's supposed to mean but...

What it means my fine, fat friend is that apparently one of two things happened as result of the ASS WHOOPIN' I put on Hanzo last week. Either he man'd up and grew him a pair, or I knocked his ass so loopy that he's lost all mental faculties and challenged me to a match he's got as much chances of winning as I do gettin' laid by Tiffany Masterson.

I'm not fat, I...I'm portly. There's a difference. Fat is sloppy. Portly is...cute. At least that's what my wife says.

Punch turns and stares blankly into the camera...

You're joking right? You're married? YOU??? The world's most annoying backstage personality? What woman could stand such..."fun"?

Her name is Marla and we've been happily married for 7 years. Don't believe me? Here, I have a picture of her in my wallet.

Beakman reaches back into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. He opens it up and shows Punch a picture of his wife.

HellOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONURSE!!! You're nailin' that? WOW!!! You sir must be doin' somethin' right in the bedroom, because that's a 10...and you're a 3. She got any sisters who like drunk, chain smokin' wrestlers?

HEY!!! Let's get back on topic here. Flaming Tables match tonight? You're not even the least bit concerned?

Do I look concerned? Sushi-X seems to think he's upping the ante tonight. But unfortunately for him, this isn't even close to doing the trick. This is gonna be light work. There's no one in the business who does brutality better then me. A fact that I'm gonna show him tonight. There's this guy named Vincent Fate who's better known to the world as Riot. And as Riot we all know that he's known the world over as "The King Of Hardcore." But it's been a long time since he's competed in a match, and even longer since he competed in a Hardcore match. So while he's takin' a break, I figure I'll go ahead and keep the throne warm for 'em. If you thought what I did to Sushi-X last week was brutal, wait until you see what I pull out of my bag of tricks this week.

Punch pats Beakman on the shoulder, adjusts his tie a bit and walks off.

Back to you guys at ringside. That dude is freakin' whacked...

[Sushi-X]

It's almost match time and Sushi-X has a blowtorch and table in hand. Joe Beakman was ready with a microphone and probing questions for the ninja.

Joe: The flaming tables match is coming up in a bit, but... Sushi-X... what you're doing with that? That...

...that that... that... that... table and that blowtorch, Joe? What do you think I'm going to do with it? See, I'm gonna make history one way or the other. Either I get up close and personal with fire, or Jonny Boy does. And Joey, when I'm done here, I got an offer for Punchy that he cannot refuse.

Sushi-X walks toward the gorilla position and Joe has another question for him.

Joe: Um... what do you mean by that?

You'll see Joe. You'll see. I think you, Jonny, the office, and all the XWA will love it. Now if you excuse me, I believe my music's playing. Showtime!

Sushi-X's theme "X Gon Get Away With Murder" fades in as the flaming tables match is about to begin.