The Following Advert.... (o2a)

[emil]

As Takedown progresses the ring announcers argue about the following matches. But suddenly...


THE FOLLOWING ADVERT COULD DO FOR YOU WHAT IT HAS DONE FOR MILLIONS!

And Emil Edwards' theme blasts all over the stadium, provoking many boos. The always cocky double E appears riding his segway with an obese person behind him, dressed in a training suit. Emil gets in the ring and adresses the fans.

People! My name is Emil Edwards! And I am here in whatever this city is, to help each and everyone of you fatties, who don't hate yourself enough to make drastic changes in your lifestyle!

crowd boos

Oh not again with this asshole!

Roach! Such vocabulary isn't allowed! Besides you might not like Emil's methods but he'll make you lose weight guaranteed.

Emil keeps talking

And I am here to show each and everyone of you oinkers, how my patentated weight-loss products really work, I brought with me one of my clients who had the guts to make the change, instead of sitting on his couch, like 99% of working America does.

Crowd boos as Emil adresses his client

What's your name fattie?

Morton... Morton Morrison

Morton? Like Morton Downey Jr.? Well if you don't do something about this disgusting body you have, you'll end like Downey Jr.... Dead!

So while I convince this slobs in the drafters do some push ups!

But...

No buts! Do it, do it, do it!

Emil manages to throw this poor obese guy on the mat and forces him to do push ups

was I harsh with Morton? Not at all! Losing weight involves strong discipline, you rule your stomach, not your stomach rules you! That's what you people fail to comprehend if you give your stomach all food he wants, then you are no way different than those stupid monkeys inside cages eating bananas non-stop!

But my program can turn you from wimpy monkeys into strong gorillas! As I always say, I am able to turn a Frankenstein into a Franken-fine!

As Emil was speaking, Morton stopped the exercise, he was sweating gallons and wasn't able to continue, he needed rest

I didn't said stop pushing up!!!

I need a rest!! My heart is about to explode!

That's wimp talking! Do more! Maybe some extra motivation will help you

Emil takes out a cookie and puts it right below Morton

Come on! Get the cookie!

Morton tries to get the cookie, but he falls flat on his stomach, he wasn't able to do the push up, Emil gets angry and starts stomping Morton on the mat

You made me waste my time! Fatass! Useless Fatass!!!

Suddenly some theme song puts an end to this abuse.

[superman]

That's when "Combat" blasts through the speakers in the arena. The fans come to their feet for The Superman as he made his way down to the ring.

Roach: Thank god for Marcus Samson coming out there to help this poor guy. Edwards has gone too far this time.

BuZZ: You want to talk about a man in top form? How about that war he had at Mayday? That Last Man Standing match was one for the ages.

He jumped into the ring and got right in between Emil and his "customer".

Edwards? WHAT.........THE HELL!!?? You're insane, you're frickin' insane, you know that? It's one thing to scam people with some crappy diet and exercise program, but putting your hands or in this case BOOTS to someone who isn't even a wrestler is going way over the line.

[emil]

Emil then takes a look at Marcus and laughs at him

Who died and made you XWA's local superhero? Look kid as I said my methods can be somewhat harsh to the ignorant eye, but they guarantee results. My special weight loss program of effort and humiliation, guara-damn-tees results in every case and this chubby who I just plummeted will be no exception

And you my friend you are just looking for the plain humiliation, the one I plan to unleash upon your flabby carcass for having interrupted my Infomercial like this! It was rather rude from you bonehead to come here with no invitation and if there's something I cannot stand more than fat is rudeness!

You have no chance sleazeball what you see here is a perfect specimen who has the body he has because he knows a word that all of you oinkers have only heard in movies.

EFFORT!!!
and all being said, my patentated products aswell

Emil laughs in front of Marcus' face

[superman]

Well, one person it the ring was having a dandy old time from the looks of it. Marcus though wasn't the least bit amused at Emil and his attitude.

Flabby? (Looking at himself) Maybe you need your eyes checked, cuz I'm in pretty good shape if I do say so myself. See, all of these proud members of the SamsoNation know a real physical specimen when they see it. The same one who went to hell and back just days ago in a match that your ass coulda only dreamed of surviving!

I'm Marcus Samson, the Real Deal Man of Steel, and you...you're just a freakin' hack! A scam artist! Where's you're satisfied customers pal? Never mind that, cuz you'd actually have to have customers first for them to be satisfied.

Since Atlas is over playing games with wanna-be demons, I guess I could pencil in kicking your ass tonight, and all of the SamsoNation can watch me show you a new meaning to "getting physical"!!! Now how do you like...them apples?

[emil]

Emil arrogantly shoots back

Listen to me Mr. Originality, if you want to prance around claiming you are Superman, go ahead, this is a free country, they allow you to be gay, they allow you to be free and what I find most shocking they allow you to be a FATASS!

crowd boos loudly

But if you people don't hate yourselves enough to buy my products and undergo the same treatment I went. You will all remain as the worst putrid trash of this country! But I have said it too much I have done too much and if you don't want to change it's not my fault, hey at least you won't last long! The only thing I pity is the poor gravedigger that will have to dig a hole as big as a truck!


crowd boos

I just hope that my words make some of you open your eyes and ask me... Your savior to unleash my miracle upon you! But I can't do it!

Not if this Action Man with no personality and no gimmick at all, interrupts me! So on behalf of showing you everyone that I don't scam nor steal with my 100% effective products, I'll defeat this punk right here right now!

Emil starts stretching as he warms up for the match...

[superman]

No gimmick? This is coming from a rip-off of Richard Simmons, or John Basedow, or...that loud mouthed blonde guy, I don't remember his name...but yeah, you're a lot closer to him than the other two because you just don't know when's a good time to shut what they call the hell up!

My gimmick is a guy who's not taking any crap from an annoying loser like like you. Hell, if you wanna go there, then I guess you could call me a superhero, here to save the day from evil, brain-cell killing, time-wasting, over-talkative pukes like you Edwards. If you wanna hock your crap, do it in the right time slot, 3AM on Friday Morning in between 1-900 commercials while I'm sleeping! This right now is XWA time, and the SamsoNation wants to see one thing and only one thing, and that's me flatten you like a pancake or knock you right out of your tennis shoes.

Would you people like to see that tonight?

The fans answer emphatically "YES!"

I thought so. Now as for you buddy...

Samson helped Emil's "client" back up to his feet.

Morton right?

"Y...yes?"

How about you sit back, have some hot dogs and some nachos, whatever you want, it's on me. Hey security guys down there, get this guy a ringside seat, will ya! I want you to be right there watching me while I put the boots to this guy. Where's a concession guy at? Anywhere?

The cameraman pans out across the crowd looking for one of the snack peddlers in the arena, and finally they pinpoint one not too far from the ring.

Yeah you, buddy. What've you got? Hell I can't hear you from here, hang on...

Samson climbs out of the ring with mic in hand and hops over the guard rail in the man's direction.

There we go, what's your name pal?

"Carlos Pena."

Well Carlos, what've you got?

"Let's see...I got peanuts, I got chips, I got nachos, Ju Ju Beans, M&M's, whatever you want!"

Sounds good. Why do you get my friend Morton over some Nachos with extra chesse.

"What you mean right in the ring?"

Yeah man! Come on, let's go!!!

Roach: Now this is a little unexpected. Samson's ordering this guy who was forced to come out here and be embarassed by Emil Edwards some snacks?

BuZZ: Hey Marcus, send Carlos over here when your done! I want some Skittles!

Roach: Now you know you can't eat on the job...

Samson and Carlos enter the ring, and Carlos hands off a tray of nachos to Morton. Emil's eyes were practically bulging out of his sockets.

There you go buddy, enjoy that! You know what they say..."all in moderation". Thanks Carlos. Hey, who else wants something to snack on out there! Go on, toss 'em some treats!

"You sure, homes?"

Yeah, don't worry the people who run XWA are loaded, they can afford it. SNACKS!!! YEAH BABY!!!

Together they start tossing bags and boxes of candy and chips to the fans.

They got you a seat front row there, Morty...so why don't you relax and enjoy yourself. That's what this is all about anyway, the people being entertained and having themselves some fun. Not having to listen to some pain in the ass like you run your hamburger trap, Edwards. Then again, you probably don't do burgers do you, maybe Veggie Burgers or something. Whatever.

Tonight, everyone here is in for a treat! Everyone but you that is. C'mon...lighten up some. Have some chips!