Post by punch on Jun 6, 2008 9:36:13 GMT -5
*Friday morning. 10:01am. Jonny finds himself sitting in a place that was as foreign to him as Indo-China. A cushy office. But not one of XWAs. No no no, it was the offices of VH1 in NYC. His publicist (Yes, even Punch needs a publicist...to come up with good excuses on why he shows up to shows piss drunk smelling like Hydro) had contacted him about a call from VH1 network execs 2 days ago. So fresh from Philly, Punch comes back to New York to see what was up*
Mr. Punchowoski. It is indeed an honor to finally meet you.
It's PUNCH, assweed.
Ohhp...sorry. Sorry Mr. Punch. Or can I just call you Jonny?
You can call me Shirley if there's gonna be free grub. I got the munchies BAD, dude.
Someone get this man some donuts.
*An assistant, a female one (DUH) comes hurriedly into the room with a box of Krispy Kremes*
Fuckin' awesome.
*As Punch starts stuffing his face with donuts, the network dude speaks*
Jonny.You've become a pop culture icon. Everyone from angry teens to soccer moms love you. You're candid, blunt and in your face honest. And people love that. Plus you don't hide your love for uhm..."Amenities". You're one of the most popular stars in XWA. And what I think would be great...no...EXCELLENT TV is seeing what Jonny Punch does 24/7. That's right, Jonny. You're own TV SHOW!
*With donut glaze hanging off his chin, Punch looks up at him*
Say wha?
We have a camera follow you around for 12 weeks. Nothing scripted. Just you doing what you do. Uncut and in the raw. Of course we'll have to edit out some of the questionable stuff. But you get the idea. We'll call it PUNCH TV. TRUST ME, the nation needs a good "punch" in the nuts. And you're the man to do it. Get it? "Punch"...in the nuts?
*Jonny gives him a blank stare*
You want to have a camera follow me around for 3 months so I can basically whore myself out to the nation and show everyone what kind of bastard I am in real life? Have you no shame? No shred of decency? What about the kids that's gonna watch this? The young, impressionable youth that's gonna see me and think that what I do is a sure fire way to become famous?
On second though...fuck the kids. How much ya' payin' Me?
How's $300,000 an episode sound?
Sounds like you've got you a new fuckin' show. That's how it sounds.
SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! The kids do say sweet still, right? Anyway, we're going to draw up the paper work annnnnnnnnd...we'll give your publicist a call when everything is set in stone. Then we can get the ball rolling.
Sounds good to me. And I'm takin' the donuts with me.
*Punch gets up from his seat, and leaves the office. The assistant was standing with her back turned to Punch, talking to another worker. Punch walks but and smacks her on the ass so hard, it echos and she yelps like a Hyena*
Ya' just had your ass smacked by the hand of Jonny Punch. Tell a friend. ;D
*Grinning, he continues on his way to the elevator. He looks down at his donuts and has an epiphany*
Glazed, creme filled, Mike & Ike donuts. Now THERE'S an idea...
*And the elevator door closes*
The End
Mr. Punchowoski. It is indeed an honor to finally meet you.
It's PUNCH, assweed.
Ohhp...sorry. Sorry Mr. Punch. Or can I just call you Jonny?
You can call me Shirley if there's gonna be free grub. I got the munchies BAD, dude.
Someone get this man some donuts.
*An assistant, a female one (DUH) comes hurriedly into the room with a box of Krispy Kremes*
Fuckin' awesome.
*As Punch starts stuffing his face with donuts, the network dude speaks*
Jonny.You've become a pop culture icon. Everyone from angry teens to soccer moms love you. You're candid, blunt and in your face honest. And people love that. Plus you don't hide your love for uhm..."Amenities". You're one of the most popular stars in XWA. And what I think would be great...no...EXCELLENT TV is seeing what Jonny Punch does 24/7. That's right, Jonny. You're own TV SHOW!
*With donut glaze hanging off his chin, Punch looks up at him*
Say wha?
We have a camera follow you around for 12 weeks. Nothing scripted. Just you doing what you do. Uncut and in the raw. Of course we'll have to edit out some of the questionable stuff. But you get the idea. We'll call it PUNCH TV. TRUST ME, the nation needs a good "punch" in the nuts. And you're the man to do it. Get it? "Punch"...in the nuts?
*Jonny gives him a blank stare*
You want to have a camera follow me around for 3 months so I can basically whore myself out to the nation and show everyone what kind of bastard I am in real life? Have you no shame? No shred of decency? What about the kids that's gonna watch this? The young, impressionable youth that's gonna see me and think that what I do is a sure fire way to become famous?
On second though...fuck the kids. How much ya' payin' Me?
How's $300,000 an episode sound?
Sounds like you've got you a new fuckin' show. That's how it sounds.
SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! The kids do say sweet still, right? Anyway, we're going to draw up the paper work annnnnnnnnd...we'll give your publicist a call when everything is set in stone. Then we can get the ball rolling.
Sounds good to me. And I'm takin' the donuts with me.
*Punch gets up from his seat, and leaves the office. The assistant was standing with her back turned to Punch, talking to another worker. Punch walks but and smacks her on the ass so hard, it echos and she yelps like a Hyena*
Ya' just had your ass smacked by the hand of Jonny Punch. Tell a friend. ;D
*Grinning, he continues on his way to the elevator. He looks down at his donuts and has an epiphany*
Glazed, creme filled, Mike & Ike donuts. Now THERE'S an idea...
*And the elevator door closes*
The End