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Post by emil on Apr 21, 2008 15:17:07 GMT -5
THE FOLLOWING ADVERT COULD DO FOR YOU WHAT IT HAS DONE FOR MILLIONS!
As always the stereotypical fitness music hits the ring as the crowd starts booing
From Silver Springs, Florida. Please welcome... Emil Edwards!
Emil wasn't really welcomed, he was wearing a cast in his left arm, but he was able to ride his Segway. Emil then got in the ring and snatched the mic from the ring announcer
Fat disgusting japanese slobs! All your shinto prayers have been listened! Me, Emil Edwards, your fitness guru, is here to tell you the 3 steps of how to lose weight.
Step 1: Put
Step 2: Down
Step 3: The Sushi
That's it, easy and simple! But of course what can I expect from the land of the rising sun... Besides sitting on your comfy chairs and playing videogames or making Karate Z-movies, you can't do pretty much else...
crowd boos
Anyways what brings me here is the blatant abuse of power Dru Nedermeyer did. He tried to destroy me... Well guess what Dru! You failed again! Same as you failed in diets! However I want to apologize for what I did to you Dru. From the bottom of my heart I am deeply sorry of our accident and as I said before I want to apologize. Please bring two chairs because this will take for long.
The ring crew brings two chairs as Emil sits on them
Now everyone please welcome DUH NEDERMEYER!!!
the crowd is outraged! Emil Edwards has convinced some jobber to pose as Dru Nedermeyer! The jobber is wearing a skin-colored anorak with tattoos to mock Dru's musclemass!
Roach: Oh god! This is bullshit!
BuZZ: It's what Dru deserves for having nearly ended Emil's career! Besides Emil never said Dru, he just said Duh!
Duh Nedermeyer makes his way to the ring and is given a mic, Emil acting like a talk show host speaks with Duh
Excuse him for tripping! Roids often make people lose balance.... Welcome Duh Nedermeyer, please take a seat
I can't
How is that?
I have so many people kissing my ass that if I sat on a chair I'd squash them with my chiseled booty
I see, well Duh, what convinced you of appearing here and apologizing to me
It all happened a day I was taking my daily "juice" I was soon shredded by feelings of guilt of what I did to poor Emil Edwards, about how I blatantly abused my power... And I remembered the good ol' Duh, the one that used to train future jobbers in wrestling such as Jumpin' Jimmy James or Kevin Gwal, I've saw that I did a mistake and I asked my future wife Heathcliff about it and she said the best think I could do is apoligize and here I am for this
Oh she's such a sweethart, how could she end with a man like you Duh? All tattooed and big
Well Emil you see, while "juice" has left me ball-less I've got some tattoos right where the sun doesn't shine, so Heathcliff doesn't think that she's banging a lady..
The perfect solution Mr. Nedermeyer. Well I am not rancourous, I accept your apologies. Anything else you want to say?
Of course! People... As your Cod of War, as your Architecht as the all-might Duh Nedermeyer I have to tell you to drink your grass, mown your milk, feed your homework and do your dog!
the fans of course are about to riot with this vile mockery, Emil just laughs arrogantly as Duh poses (badly) for all the fans, suddenly they are interrupted by the music of....
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Post by chase on Apr 21, 2008 15:48:54 GMT -5
It wasn't music that interrupted Emil's "party", but a voice...
Now this? This is comical.
For the 1st time in over 9 months, the man once known as "Jared Chase" appears.
Buzz: Ladies and gentlemen, If you don't know who that is, it's because he looks a little, different...
Roach: He goes by his real name now, Jared Caine. And Hot damn if he doesn't look better then ever.
Jared speaks as he walks down to the ring.
This is what I don't get. If you actually spent half as much time training, working on your craft as you do hocking your fitness crap and being an overall dickhead, you'd be a god damn legend by now. But this? This brings new meaning to the word "Pathetic".
Now in the ring, Jared continues his rant.
Much rather then calling the man out to a fight, this is what you do. You get some bitch to get in a sad ass suit, and parade around here for your own personal amusement. I don't know where you're from, but where I'm from, we've got a word for guys like you. BITCH ASS COWARD.
The crowd was in complete agreement with Jared. He continues again.
Ok, so that was three words. The fact of the matter is this. Dru's gt his hands full tonight with a pair of guys who actually HAVE the nuts to fight him. But me? I've got an open dance card. And I'm open...to dancing...all over your face again like I did last week. Unless of course you've got some of punk backstage to come out here pretending to be me as well. I'll bottom line it like this, chump.
Put the hell up...or SHUT the hell up.
The fans were ademate on seeing Jared lower the boom on Edwards once again. The question was would XWA's resident coward take up the challenge, or make another excuse for himself.
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Post by emil on Apr 21, 2008 15:59:55 GMT -5
Emil however starts laughing as Duh gets offended with those words. Duh gets in front of Jared's face and pokes his chest
Listen to me, this is an EXCLUSIVE interview with Duh Nedermeyer a.k.a the guy who's breaking your sternum right now with his fingerpookes of doom. So why don't you get your newbie ass back where it belongs before the Cod Of War a.k.a The Architech a.k.a me. whoops your ass EXCLUSIVELY and gets you out of the ring?
I am sorry but who are you? Duh you know this guy?
Nah I don't althought he remembers me one of my best friends that work as a pillow for my booty since he never moves away his lips from it. But as I said before I'll kick this insolent newbie's ass then I'll book him in a match. Him alone vs The Ottoman Empire. Because that's the way I deal with people Emil. Abusing my power week after week after week after week...
And he dares to call me coward!? Well smoke this in your cachimba, you pothead I am in no condition to wrestle I am injured! Now if your slob ass can slither out of this ring, we have a very important interview going on, so please, before Duh gets violent and he starts his ultra undefeated streak here, get out of the ring.
Emil waves his hand motioning Jared to leave as Duh "hulks up"
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Post by chase on Apr 21, 2008 17:10:53 GMT -5
Right...
With a swift boot to "Duh's" gut, Jared staggers him. He wraps his arm around the imposter's neck, and crushes him with his version of the "Test Drive" neckbreaker he calls "Deliverance". As the fake writhes on the floor clutching his neck, Jared promptly kicks him out of the ring under the bottom rope. He turns his focus back to Emil.
Now that the trash has been swept out of the ring, I can deal with the trash still in the ring. The theme you seem to be goin' for is Dru abusing his power. But as I recall, you spat some god awful milkshake in his face. You're dumb ass should be lucky to even have a job after physically assaulting an XWA executive outside of the ring. When the bell rings, he's fair game like anyone else. But your chump ass wants no part of that, cuz you know that in a one on one fight, Dru beats you within an inch of your life. But tonight, he's the least of your worries. And you made the mistake of coming out to the ring. Which means, you're looking to work tonight. And I have every intention on working your BITCH ass from bell to bell. This ain't a request, this is a statement. And the statement is simple. Either you face me tonight in this ring, or you take your little bitch boy on the floor over there, and vacate the ring so REAL men can do what they're paid to do.
Choice is yours.
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Post by emil on Apr 21, 2008 17:24:16 GMT -5
Emil then stands up looking worried
How did you dare to do that vicious unprovoked assault to such a wrestling legend like Duh Nedermeyer?! That was totally uncalled for! You should be demoted immediatly!
Not for mentioning your god damn awful shape, the same god damn awful shape Dru has! But hey don't worry if Dru got what he needed so badly that doesn't mean you can't get a taste of my new rice-based milkshake that burns fat, creates energy and does several other awesome things for your body! And don't worry Unknown Jobber I'll give you a free sample of my own
Emil takes his rice milkshake from his sportsbag and he prepares to do the now notorious milkshake spit on Jared but....
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Post by dru on Apr 21, 2008 17:39:54 GMT -5
You know Jared, it's funny you should mention that.
Dru steps out from backstage to join in the fun.
While this little skit was in fact amusing, and note worthy in proving that Mr. Edwards here must be sweet on me...I'm straight by the way, Emil. I don't know about you in your lil' Poom-Poom shorts though...the fact of the matter is that XWA pays you to wrestle. And since I am in fact an extension to XWA Corporate, I've gotta look out for the best interests of the company. I've gotta do what's going to make Ms. BLackheart and Mr. Gallas' pockets fatter. And in this instance, that's making a pair of match matches. The 1st match? That's happening tonight. And that's going to be Emil Edwards...vs. Jared Caine. One on one.
The fans show there support of the idea with a thunderous cheer.
Sounds to me like these people like the idea. And they are the ones paying for you to be able to come out here and sell your crappy fitness products after all. And if you people think that's a big one, just wait until you hear what I have next for you. A match at Vendetta. What you ask? Simple really. Emil Edwards...vs ME...in the match I might have not created, but I certainly helped innovate.
Buzz: No...no way. Don't tell me. Not that match. ANYTHING but that match.
The PRISON BREAK MATCH.
The crowd comes unglued at the announcement.
Buzz: DEAR GOD!!! That's about as barbaric a match we HAVE in XWA!!! This is NUTS!!!
Roach: This will be only the 4th Prison Break match since it debuted back in 2005. There's a REASON only 4 have been done before. Two men locked in a steel cage. The only way to win is to escape it. TWICE!!!
Sounds to me like the fans like that one as well. And I'm all about giving the fans what they want.
Dru grins from ear to ear. How often does he get to show how mighty is pen is compared to his sword? He awaits the reaction from both men.
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Post by emil on Apr 21, 2008 17:46:32 GMT -5
However Duh Nedermeyer recuperated and got into the real Dru's face
Hold on a second, you aren't the real Duh! You are just a phony! Look at this small head, look at this small built! You can't hold a candle with me you poser. Now Emil what kind of joke is this one? Why did you brought this jackoff here, I am the original Duh Nedermeyer! I don't need any stunt doubles. Everything I do, I do it by myself! Like Jackie Chan! I am a daredevil!
Duh again pokes Dru in the chest with his finger
And you are nothing but a Señor Big Phoney! So get your ass outta here, before me, The Cod of War sends you pluckin' daises back to Flatbush or Red Hook... Or whatever district left from God's hand you came from!
Duh hulks up in front of Dru, as Emil still has the milkshake in his mouth, he's looking for a distraction to slip his treacherous spit on the face...
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Post by dru on Apr 21, 2008 17:58:42 GMT -5
Dru brings his mic up and replies.
This is real cute. But what ever dumbass over there is paying isn't worth you having your jaw broke. Joke's over, buddy boy. Trust me, my bad side is not a very safe place to be.
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Post by chase on Apr 21, 2008 18:06:50 GMT -5
Jared sees fit to turn to Dru and answer in response to Dru's announcement.
Hmmmph, sounds good to me. Maybe now this asshat will stalk yapping and man up for once in his damn life.
Jared turns back around to Emil...
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Post by emil on Apr 21, 2008 18:09:11 GMT -5
Duh then pats Dru on the shoulderHe's such a great impersonator... But guess what I am not Elvis and this isn't Memphis! I am Duh Nedermeyer!Meanwhile Emil spits! the dreaded milkshake again on Jared's face! Emil then started taunting cockily but seeing that Duh could get him into trouble he got out of the ring and went to see DruOh come on Dru it's just a tongue-in-cheek joke, besides nobody wants to see me in a Prison Break match with you, this are japanese fans Dru, who understands when they say "yes" or "no"Besides being a phony you simply don't understand the fine Japanese language. Unlike me I understood it all and they said "We don't wanna see Emil in a Prison Break match" Nowadays phonies are so campy! Well I am gonna see Heathcliff and tell her what a real man is!Well, let's make a deal Dru, negotiation is the base of friendship isn't it  How about if I offer you a monthly family basket of my products, if you call off that match... You see not a family basket of the normal products I sell to this people. I am offering you a family basket of "good" products.You better take that offer you phony, it's between Emil's basket or between me kicking your ass to the curbAnd Duh again fingerpokes Dru on the chest as Emil starts walking backwardsYou big fat phony!Duh stands there with a menacing (well) look on his face as Emil has made his way back to the ring and he sees Jared being blind, he arrogantly taunts with his back turned on Jared and he even does the John Cena "You can't see me taunt" when Jared...
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Post by chase on Apr 21, 2008 18:35:05 GMT -5
How wrong he was. Jared at this point was completely livid. A mistake Emil would soon learn the hard way. In one fell swoop, He piefaces Emil to the point that he falls back on his ass. Wiping his face off, Jared raises his mic and speaks.
You just went from just getting your ass kicked, to getting your ass KILLED. Mr. Nedermeyer? Scrap this being a normal match tonight. I want FIRST BLOOD.
Without taking an eye off Emil, Jared waist for Dru's reply.
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Post by dru on Apr 21, 2008 18:37:52 GMT -5
Dru was more then happy to oblige...
Done. Oh, and Emil. I don't think I have to tell you where to take your family basket of crap and shove it, right? Didn't think so.
He then speaks to his "clone".
As for you, you've got one more time to poke me before I make that arm as useless as an asshole on your elbow.
Again, Dru awaits the next response.
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Post by emil on Apr 22, 2008 8:12:13 GMT -5
While Emil is getting his ass kicked, Duh stands there staring at Duh
Consider today your lucky day! I have a date with Heathcliff and I can't go there with all your blood stained on my chiseled physique! And you have no idea of making matches! If I was in charge I'd have booked Emil vs The French Legion in a handicap match! Now if you excuse me, I got to see my booker Reno Riggings to see if he can make me more legendary that I am already and increase my 5 years undefeated streak!
WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THE DUH RUNS WILD ON YOU!!!!!
Duh hulks up again, and rushes to backstage, not wanting to get his ass kicked anymore
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How about if I offer you a monthly family basket of my products, if you call off that match... You see not a family basket of the normal products I sell to this people. I am offering you a family basket of "good" products.