Down with STRAIGHT EDGE (o2anysXeguys)

[punch]

Ladies and gentlemen, here comes...

!!!Jonny Punch!!!

As his music hits the PA, Jonny makes his way to the ring with a box of T-Shirt. He starts tossing them out to the fans. It his new signature "Down With Straight Edge" T-Shirt. The fans as usual have no idea what to make of the antics of Jonny. He rolls into the ring and continues heaving shirts out to the crowd. He whips out the !!!Punchaphone!!! and begins his weekly rant.

Wear thses shirts PROUDLY ladies and gents. Join the movement to ABOLISH straight edge. They want to do away with that BEER you're drinking kind sir.

He points at a fan drinking a beer.

And you, you look like you have some REAL FUN in you spare time, miss. What would you do without some Mary Jane?

He points to a woman who was provocatively dressed.

Straight Edge is a CRIME against all that's good and decent in this country. It's as un-American as COMMUNISM!!! They're the new SOVIET UNION and they want to force there sick ideals on you!!! So I say to these straight edged bastards, GET A LIFE!!! And HAVE A FUCKING BEER!!! I, Jonny Punch will make it my mission to see that these heathens, these none beer drinking, no drug using WHACKOS beaten to pulps and force fed Sam Adams. So which one of you Jackholes is gonna be next on my list?

Jonny awaits any possible challenger.

[saint]

The powerful synthesizers of Undecided by James LaBrie blares over the P.A. Nathan steps out from the back stage and the fans begin to cheer wildly. He hated how this douche was always insulting Straight Edges. It was a life style that he, and others chose. But Nathan wasn't one to brag about how much better he is because he's straight edge, oh no, he brags because he has true skill, and doesn't need the Straight Edge excuse to back it up. Nathan enters the ring, with a mic in hand.

Alright everyone, crack open a beer! Lets drink enough until we end up thinking like this close minded piece of crap right here! Lets all drink so much that we end up close minded, and and thinking out of our asses!

Folks I have nothing wrong with people who drink beer. I do have a problem with the fuckers who smoke, and take drugs, like a certain wrestler here...Ya know being straight edge and all, it doesn't mean that much. It just means ya don't drink, smoke, or do drugs..Now A LOT of people let this go to their heads. In fact most of the straight edge wrestlers think this makes them better. Because their bodies are "pure". The thing I see wrong with that is is the fact that most of the wrestlers here are drinkers, and they perform quite well in the ring..The excuse that you're better because your straight edge seems retarded to me.

Ya see I don't use the straight edge excuse, I don't have to, because I KNOW I'm better because I know what I'm capable of in the ring.

The crowd cheers for Saint.

Now listen Donkey Punch, your reasons that straight edge sucks is retarded...Let me ask you of something. Are you capable of thinking? I'm being honest here. Communism and being straight edge have nothing to do with each other. And we have sick ideals? Wow. Being healthy is SUCH a crime.

Punch, to make this simple enough for you, your an idiot and you suck.

More cheers...

[punch]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! You're SO right, Emo boy. I do suck. I was suckin' YO MOMMA last night!!!

The crowd boos his "Yo Momma" crack.

I have a problem with people who smoke and...BLAAAAAAAAAAH BLAAAAAAAAAH BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! Do I get a free glass with that WHINE??? You Straight Edge yokals are ALL THE SAME. You're trying to pull away from the pack by saying you don't have a problem with people who do what I do? Smoke a lil weed, drink a lil beer, whoop a lil ass. BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG DEAL, ASSHAT!!! You can take yer straight edge lifestyle and ideas and cram it up that clean as a whistle ASS of yours. You guys make me SICK how you try to force you "principals" on everyone. Yer as bad as the queers.

More boos from the fans from the queer crack.

HEY HEY HEY!!! I got no problem with the queers. As long as they stay within 10 feet. As for YOU, I'd like you to get up and close, so I can shove my fist down your throat. Communism and straight edge go HAND AND HAND in that they go against EVERYTHING this country stands for. Our forefathers gave there lives so we could sit out on our front porches and cram down a cold one. And YOU YOKALS say nay to it.

PISS OFF!!! I might be an idiot...and suck...your mom (Milfy), but at least I'm not...

Jonny starts sniffing the air...

PUSSY!!!

Jonny starts waving his hand across his face as if he smelled something bad. The crowd boos his lewd and vulgar antics as he await Saint's reply.

[saint]

Nathan gets a good laugh out of what Punch had to say. He raises the mic back up to speak.

Force my principals on a pompous docuhebag like you? Hah! Why would I even bother trying to get you to take a new direction in life when you're already straight up your own ass? Listen here shit for brains, did it seem like I was trying to force you to go straight edge!? I think not. Why bother when you've fucked yourself over and over like a prisoner and his bitch?

The crowd chants "Up YOUR ASS" at Punch. Nathan thought the fans were getting to into what he was saying..

And again you bring up the communist bull...Jeez...Your comparison is about as stupid as comparing two families from Alabama. I don't remember denying you beer either. Do you see me walking up to the various beer drinkers of this country and smacking that shit right out of their hands? I think not. I don't like the shit, but it's your choice if you drink it or not. Not mine. As for being as bad as the queers, I think your worse. You look like a Honolulu hooker, and you even got your own reigns so your rides won't fall off while their drillin' you up the ass..

And again with the cheers, and laughter. Even the announcers are getting a good laugh at Nathan's last crack on Punch.

So listen, and listen well dipshit... Your nothing but a bitchin', close minded, pansy. And all it takes to get rid of you assholes is two hits. My boot hits your face, and your dick hits the fucking dirt!

[punch]

Jonny motions his hand in the form of a mouth going a mile a minute.

Are you done yet? I thought this was XWA, not the VAGINA MONOLOGUE. Jeezus H. Christ. I never thought I'd see a guy be as much of a BITCH. But mark it down on you calenders, July 22nd, 2007. Here stands the biggest bitch in America. Waaaaaaaaaaah waaaaaaaah waaaaaaaaaaah. How bout you do me a solid, cakeboy. I know you don't drink beer, but I've got another kinda beverage for ya'. Non alcoholic. It's called a nice tall glass of SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Help yourself.

Jonny continues.

And when you're done drinkin' up. How bout you bring you now CERTIFIED PUSSY ass down to the ring later tonight, and I shove a 2x4 up it. That's right baby, I'm callin' YOU out. HARDCORE STYLE. But seeing as you're naturally such a puss, gettin' 2x4 stuck up your ass must not be that much of a "stretch" from what you do in your personal life. Though I doubt someone who bitches as much as you doesn't get that much action. And no, "Hand"-gelina Jolle and "Palm"-ela Anderson don't count.

Jonny almost falls over laughing as he continues to verbally berate Saint. He awaits his reply.

[saint]

Nathan smirks as Punch continues to make a fool of himself.

You call that bitching!? Apparently you haven't been listening to yourself speak. It seems as though you don't need another person to help you make yourself look like more of a dunce than you already are. Lets give this polished turd one hell of an applause for succeeding in being more of a complete douche than Shawn Hollywood!

The crowd cheers and claps.

I swear you act more retarded than a teenage girl who listens to Mims.

Anyways, a hardcore match eh? It seems as if your looking for an advantage? What's wrong Punch, got no skill? Do you think it makes you look like a complete badass with your little mesh shirt, your stupid ass little braids you got there, and a 2x4 in your hand? To me, and probably to all of these fans, you look like a male stripper instead of a badass. Tell me Punch, how many cowboys got your nuts?

I'll take you on in your little hardcore match. it doesn't make any difference to me. It's not like I NEED weapons to win a match, unlike you, douchebag. Don't worry about looking like a jackass though. You'll look normal being in the ring with a wrestler that has TALENT.

He lowers the mic with the smirk still on his face. He shrugs, wondering if that's all Punch has.

[punch]

Oh no, Ms. girly girl. It aint that I NEED weapons to be a pansy ass chump like you. I just like the sound of metal against the skulls of ham & egg losers like you.

Jonny laughs to himself.

And on the contrary. I HAVE been listening to what you've said. I'm surprised you haven't noticed me trying to STAY AWAKE while you bore everyone to suicide.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Jonny eases over to the ropes and leans on them.

You sir, are SHIT. You're lower then shit. You're the dried up mess that's left over when shit is left out in the sun for 10 days. And so is your lil' Straight Edge life style. And everything that comes with it. "You need weapons to be me". HAAAAAAAA!!! I could beat you in a dope induced drunken stuper you inbred KNOBGOBBLER. But tonight I wanna hammer home the fact that I just don't like you assholes. So I'm gonna do it by bustin' your punk, pink ass open. After that, I'll be glad to kick your teeth in in whatever other match you want. But then again, that's barring you can still walk after tonight.

NOW HIT MY MUSIC!!!

Land Of Confusion hits the PA, and Jonny puts the !!!Punchaphone!!! in his back pocket. He starts to make his way out of the ring, but pause to eye up Saint one last time and flip him the bird. Jonny exits the ring and hops over the safety rail into the crowd.

[saint]

Nathan watches as Punch cowers away. He got a good laugh out of what Punch had to say.

That's right. Run rabbit, run. That fucker has it coming...

Nathan exits as his music starts up on the P.A. The fans cheer the straight edge as he leaves.