I am NOT Straight Edge (o2Cade)

[punch]

Tacoma, WA. Introducing to you...

!!!JONNY PUNCH!!!

Disturbed's "Land Of Confusion" hits the PA, and Jonny enters the stage donning a a T-shirt that has "sXe" with a stopbuster over it. The crowd (As usual) has no idea what to make of what Jonny's antics are going to be, but he soon ends the mystery once he enters the ring.

I am NOT Straight Edge. I HATE the idea behind being Straight Edge. Just listen to it...

Jonny pulls out a sheet of paper from his pocket.

You can't drink alcohol. Meaning beer, wine, moonshine, NOTHIN'!!! You can't smoke cigarettes, hash, or whatever else you might like rolling up and takin' a puff of. You can't put ANY kind of toxins in your body. WHERE THE HELL IS THE FUN IN THAT!!! This straight edge epidemic is a PLAGUE on American society. What's going to happen to those impressionable 14 year old boys who wanna smoke hydro to be "cool"? Or the chick who's easy when you get her a few glasses of SoCo & Lime??? TO HELL WITH STRAIGHT EDGE I SAY!!!

Buzz: Ok, I'm am now officially convinced this man is out of his god damn mind. He's a talking about being straight edge like it's like being a skinhead!

Mike: Have you even read the guy's bio on the website yet? He dated Linsey Lohan. OF COURSE he's be against the sXe movement.

I'm out here tonight to call out one man. That man is the guy you all refer to as "Critical Mass". That's right, Straight Edged Kris Cade. A guy who EPIDEMIZES being Straight Edge. Sure there's other guys. Thrush, Alex Wesson, Sylas Styles. But Cade's the only one outta the four of em who can actually BY a win without a lil help. Ok, Thrush did beat me in a One on tag match a few weeks back, But I spent most of the match watch that old guy get his face rubbed into the bottom of Thrush's boot...

Anywayz...

Kris Cade. You my friend have assumed the mantle of being XWA's "Straight Edge Superstar", so I want you to bring your NON BEER DRINK, NO HASH SMOKIN' ASS down here. You and me, TONIGHT! So that I can do what the backstreet boy couldn't do last week. KICK YOU ASS!!!

Jonny turns to the stage. He awaits the arrival of Kris Cade.

[cade]

Damageplan's "Pride" hits the PA, and Cade steps out unto the stage. Shaking his head as he did last week, Cade raises his mic to answer Punch's challenge.

I really don't know where you guy get this chip on your shoulders from. I mean really. You, Shawn Hollywood, Ryan Zlabe. You guys have gotta be the best at running your mouths. Or is it because you all are so insecure in yourselves that you've basically gotta play the "role" of badass. A REAL badass doesn't play one on TV. But you, you're different. I've done my homework on you. I've read you bio on the website. Your little blogs. I'd almost go as far to say that you actually have half a brain in your head, all be it living in a CARNIVAL for 3 years must mess with your mental...just a bit. Last week I took Shwan Hollywood's foot, and left it firmly wedged in his own mouth. This week, it looks like it's your turn. And then next week, I complete the hat trick when I take out Zlabe and take BACK the Pure Championship. Consider you challenge excepted, Punch.

Cade lowers his mic awaiting the response of Jonny Punch.

[punch]

Oh noooooooooooooooooooooo...I'm SOOOOOOOOOO SCARED!!!

Jonny feints being frightened.

I hate to be the guy to spoil things for you, but You ain't gettin' pass me THAT easily. I UNLIKE you play friend last week haven't spent the last three months in the clink. And I don't PLAY an badass, I'm as BAD as they come. And to show you JUST how bad The Punchmeister is, Let's up the ante. You're so into your little pure rules matches. Let's make things UNPURE. HARDCORE UNPURE BABY!!! OOOOOOOOOOOH YEA!!! You might've put Hollywood's foot in his mouth last week, But I'm gonna be puttin' a CHAIR in yours, Funboy!!!

[cade]

Raising his mic, Kris responds.

It doesn't make a difference WHAT kind of of match it is. You can bring bats, barbed wire, what the hell bring the whole damn 82nd Airborne. The only thing in my sights is TOTAL VICTORY. And I WILL be victorious. You want hardcore? I'll GIVE you hardcore. You're ON!!!

Kris awaits Jonny's final reply.

[punch]

HAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAA!!! You're either really tough, or really STUPID. But there aint no room for the weak tough OR the crazy brave in MY YARD.

(Blatant Undertaker rip)

I'm gonna be doin' that pussy Zlabe a favor tonight. Cuz when I'm done with you, there ain't gonna anything LEFT of you to fight a Soul Survivor.

!!!JONNY PUNCH!!!

Has LEFT THE ARENA!!!

Jonny drops his mic and rolls out of the ring, exiting through the crowd. The camera changes back to Cade looking on as Jonny vacates before going to the next segment.


!!!DONE!!!