Call me G.O.D.

[si]

As the show goes on, an unfamiliar theme plays. As the crowd wonders who's to come from out of the back, a familiar face that hadn't been seen in month emerges. But something about him was..."different"...

Buzz: Is that??? Wait a minute, that is!!!

Roach: Osiris Alston? It's been almost two months since we've last seen him. And...he's blond???

With a stoic look on his face, he makes his way to the ring. Inside, he literally snatches the mic from the PA announcer and shews everyone from the ring...

The GOD has got somethin' ta say, so shut ya' bangers & mash asses the hell up.

The crowd boos loudly. Osiris takes off his shades to reveal a pair of menacing eyes.

I'ma keep this simple. Tha GOD is not happy. There are alotta' chumps runnin' around now thinkin' that they got it. Thinkin' that they the truth. Suckas that's straight TRIPPIN'. Guess what, fellas. The free ride is DONE. Because I'm sick of watchin' these lil bitches runnin' around thinkin' they got it, when they aint got SHIT. Bitches like this fool Dylan Bates. Or this sucka ass Brian Yang. Or that wanna be thug ass bitch PoV. Who the fuck is this cat? Or even better still, The "King Of New York" Jayson Jones. King of my ASS, son. XWA's become the house where BITCHES roll. Suck ass mawfuckaz who done fa'got about tha' GOD. Well guess what, BITCHES. Here's the reminder. Cuz I dare ANY one of you tricks, or any other trick backstage ta' step up and say somethin', so I can bus'em upside that punk ass head. Who's it gonna be? Anybody, I don't give a damn. Come one come all get ya bitch asses ROLLED on.[/color]

The crowds boos grow even more as Osiris waits...

Buzz: I think he wants a fight, Mikey.

Roach: Ooooooooooooooh I think he's gonna get one. Alston's alway had a chip on his shoulders, but wherever he went, he's gotten WORSE...

[chet]

And that challenge was indeed heard by Chet Dixon, who still bitter of being rejected by "The Craptan" Bryan Jasta, came down to the ring doing his usual dancing moves to please the fans he loves.

Now G.O.D take a breath, and chill out.. Man there were no pauses in that rant where they? Your potty mouth asked for a challenge, and you got it right in front of your eyes.

So you better no dodge me, because I am tired of whackos dodging me, I might not have the best win/lose record, but I have the fans behind me, and as long as that keeps on, I'll be fighting against people like you!! So Dennis Rodman you want a fight? You got it!

Chet gets into the ring face to face with G.O.D

Now that I am here, I begin to realize what G.O.D stands for... Gimp Of Dakota!

the crowd starts laughing and chanting "gimp" towards G.O.D as Chet does his trademark dance moves for the fans

Jokes aside, are you gonna be like Salsiki & Meatball and you will dodge me, or will you Mr. bad-ass-got-out-of-prison-gangsta-4-life stay here, prove to England that you have guts and accept my hardcore challenge?

Chet waits for an answer as he poses for the fans.

[si]

Osiris is quick to respond.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa, hol' da' tha' phone, son-son. I call out a bunch of Lions, and I get doe? Ayo...who the hell is you anyway? I mean aside from bein' the biggest joke in this bid'ness? I'll TELL you who you are. Just another BITCH waitin' ta' his head popped. I saw earlier when you got blew off. I'da did the same thing, considering you're about as worth fightin' as catchin' the clap.

With a smug look on his face, Osiris continues.

Now let me get this straight, you wanna fight me, The O.G., The GOD, The G.O.A.T., in a HARDCORE match?

Is you buggin' or what, Son?

He looks at Chet with disgust.

You walk here doin' a ya crap ass lil dance, crackin' ya lame ass second grade jokes. Gimp Of Dakota? You people are about as stupid as this big fa' nothin' bitch here fa' even laughin' at that. But what I do ta' yo' ass tonight? That aint gonna be NO laughin' matter, son. You wanna get bitched out tonight, Hardcore style? Break out the barbed wire, punk. Cuz you bout' ta' get BANGED on, foo'.

Osiris smirks as he waits for Chet's response.

[chet]

Chet mocks Osiris, by chuckling and gesticulating. Much to the crowd's delight

"Oh me big bad Carlton Banks me pissed of, you sumbitch you lame ass your momma jokes, me so great, you gonna get bitched because I am the real gangsta like OG Loc, yo, yo, yo, I speak like if I was chomping a stool"

Chet finishes the parody doing a Carlton Banks dance

So are you done yet? I mean spit the gashes you have in your mouth before speaking... "gangsta" because you gonna choke on your own words... "homie" and I ain't the dude who goes around givin' Heimlich Maneuvers... got it brother?

I am the gangsta who whoops your hyped asses right where they belong, "bro"

So Muhammad Ali wannabe, prove to me that you are The Greatest-est by giving this former hardcore champ a beating!

Oh and when the camera stares at you, salute to your Los Santos homies... Come on Osiris Banks! Salute loud and proud, because all your super-bad-gangstas-4-life-MC-Hammer-Sugar-Hill-Gang-listeners trust in you! Come on homie!

Chet finishes his parody doing a MC Hammer-esque dance motion, which gains the cheers of the crowd as he waits for G.O.D's answer...

[si]

Osiris shakes his head wonder how a guy like this could be a wrestler...

Yo' ass don't belong in a ring foo', you belong on Comedy Central Presents. It's all good. I'ma put it to you like this. You been laid up for a while. That's what I heard back in NYC from ya' lil chick tryin' to work up cash ta' pay ya hospital bill. Well I hope she save up some dough, cuz they gonna be carryin' yo' ass outta here in a on a stretcher afta' I'm done with you, pah'dna. Now THAT'S wassup, CHUMP.[/color]

[unknown]

YOU DON'T KNOW plays as PoV makes his way out from the back, bobbin to the music as the pyro shoots off around him to the beat. He walks down the ramp slapping hands with the fans on his way down til he gets to the ring where he rolls in and circles this "GOD" character before being tossed a mic from ringside.

Whats good?

Shit, I'm sittin in the back watching the show and all of a sudden I see some joker who couldn't cut it 2 months ago, stroll out here with a limp, trying to act all "hood" and "representin" for his hood. Droppin names on the microphone, begging to get noticed again. It made me laugh. I mean seriously. You actually think your street? You actually think your a gangsta?

Your a fucking GAP COMMERCIAL REJECT! All your missing is the Khakis, swing dancers and sweater vest to go with your blonde hair. Seriously guy, your a fucking JOKE! Greatest of all time? Original Gangsta? THEN you run wild talking about barbwire? Kid.. I mean Siris.. Syruz..Osiris..whatever the fuck your name is.. go to the back, shave your head, change your name, get some other generic music and come out tryin to immitate someone else you fucking CON ARTIST!

A collective laugh is shared with the audience as they cheer

Are we in las VEGAS? Cause I'm feelin lucky. Maybe I'll hit up the KASINO and roll some DICE. And if I lose.. I'ma 187 your ass so hard, you'd swear I was a PORNSTAR. Honestly homey, your talkin mad shit for someone who ain't got a FAMILIA to back him up. Your probably some bathroom stall, toe tappin leader of some faggoty ass REGIME of fake ass, wanna be posers who all sit at home, in Beverly Hills comparing tax returns with your dungeons and dragons playing internet nerd friends.. or was it a BROKE ASS COWBOY? Sorry if I'm shootin low on ya, my AMES not all that good.

So let's see here.. how about, once your done with Dixon there, you actually try to fight the guy your immitating out here, me, PoV, the PROTOTYPE OF VIOLENCE! The hardcore street kid who brought barbwire to forefront of hardcore matches years and years ago.

I'd say we could box, but seriously kid, your arms are too short to box with the real GOD of hardcore, King of extreme, the crown prince of ultraviolence. OH and if ya don't know, now ya know..NIGGA!

PoV holds the mic out towards the GAP Commercial reject, for him to respond, but instead of letting him talk, he drops the mic at his feet instead and spreads his arms out in a "whatcha gonna do about it huh" taunt

[si]

All he could was shake his head. Here comes another one.

Well I'llbe damned. Malibu's most wanted. A white boy, tryin' ta act black. Damn son-son, there aint NOTHIN more sadder then that. I mean fa' real. I guess most of the mirrors in ya' crib must be broke. That or someone lied ta' you and said "Rock a hoody and face mask, and speak wit' ebonics and you'll be gangsta". Studio gangsta maybe. Homie, you must be out a ya' god damn mind if you think you'z even STEPPIN' into my world.

He smirks and continues.

And aint it just like some perpetratin', wanna be thug ass FOO' ta' come out here and run his damn moth about da' next man's shit. What you need ta' do Malibu, is fall back. Cuz ya' aint gansta. You aint even hood. And you DAMN sure ain't hardcore. What, you think ya' lil Steel Cage TLC match is gangsta? YOu think that's hardcore?

Some my done mis-informed the non-negro...

If that's the case, allow me ta' drop some knowledge on you. And it goes a lil' somethin' like this.

He clears his throat and dramatically brings the mic up to his lips...

Either you ride, or you get RODE on, BITCH. And you aint no ryda. You aint a balla. You aint even a thug. You'z just some punk ass white boy who spend his childhood in the burbs, listenin' ta' Third Base and Snow, thinkin' "I wanna be a Gangsta when I grow up". And what's worse? You wanna stand up here and drop names of a bunch of bitch niggaz from VEGAS??? VEGAS!!! Mawfucka there aint SHIT poppin' in Vegas. Just like YO' dumb ass, let one of them busta' ass foo's walk up in MY shit, and see don't they get they fuckin' WIGS SPLIT.

Si paces the ring, sizing up this "PoV" dude...

Even ya' name spells white ass sucka. Prototype Of Violence??? What kinda fuckin' handle is that? Where you gonna walk in sayin' "Yo, I'm PoV". Where I come from "PoV" stands fa' one of them Point Of View pornos where the chick gets a nut busted all over her face. Which is a nice lil' set up, cuz I'm afraid if you keep on tryin' ta play thug, I'ma have ta' make you punk ass my BITCH. But then again, seein' as who ya' sucka ass runs wit, I aint gotta go far to do that now do I.

Now speak on that one you artificial *ehem*..."Nigga".

Si smirks and proceeds to pop his collar at him. He backs up to one of the corners and leans on it waiting to here more propaganda from the "Prototype".

[unknown]

He snickers, picking up the mic he dropped. This G.O.D guy must think he's britney spears with a headset

YOU FUCKING MORON... you don't even have a microphone!

You talk big, considering your callin out people who aren't employed here you dumb fuck. Maybe you need your ears cleaned out aswell as a reality check here "thug". Just because you talk slang and feel your "street" doesn't give you credit to throw it around like you matter "homie". Not once did I come out here and say I was a fucking gangsta, thug or any of that SHIT. To be perfectly honest with you, off the record, that whole shtick is played out to the fullest by the rest of the fake ass wanna be "playas" like you. I signed my contract and I get told "Yo AJ, go out there and play stree thug again. Everyone loves that persona". So, because the moneys good, I do it up for them boss boys. I come out here, do my act and split.

That ain't me though. I'm not a "THUG" I just play one on T.V! And even my fuckin act is more realistic then your over the top, COCK IN THE MOUTH fucking slang you spit through your fake grillz, kissin your teeth and wearing some fake bling round your neck.

AND I AM WHITE.. did you just fucking notice? I never said I was black, hispanic or anything else. You fuckin blind man? Ya don't think I know I'm white? Atleast my WHITE ass makes more fucking money then you. Atleast MY WHITE ASS has credability in this world. People see you, they think street thug, crystal sippin, glock rockin, stereo stealin NIGGA! People cross the street to avoid you because they think your gonna "jump" them!

He walks around the ring some more

And where on earth did you get your name from? Wu Tang AINT FO'EVA, MUTHA FUCKA! You think Method Man and Rza like the fact your rippin on THEIR credability? Bitch your not even in the same league as me. I'm prime time, Pay Per View, WORLD WIDE KNOWN and you.. your fucking little league T-Ball compared to me..

Now fucking get to "steppin" before I cut your body into 14 pieces and spread the fragments throughout Egypt, just like the fucking Egyptian legend says happened to "Osiris" by his brother SET! And don't fuckin come back out until you got some fucking book smarts, proper enunciation of the ENGLISH LANGUAGE and some balls big enough to accept the fucking challenge I laid out to you...

HOOD RAT!

He stands his ground, waiting for the G.A.P to swing dance his way out of the ring

[chet]

Chet then acts all gangsta.... Well what his mind interpretates as acting "gangsta"

Yo Osiris, you got pwnd...... FO' SHIZZLE!!!! Not even the "bruda" MC Hammer can save yo' ass from the beating you muthafuckin' ass' gonna receive.. I am a gangsta! and your ass is grass and I am the caterpilla' ;D

the fans cheer as Chet swings back to himself

Just like iPod... I mean PoV said, tonight in England your ass is gonna be served in a silver plate to me! in a hardcore match... Behold what you have put yourself in, gangsta. Because you have a former Hardcore and Tag Team Champ in front of your face!......

FO' SHIZZLE!!!

Chet poses "cool" for the fans, who cheer his dorkiness, that's very funny.